


Dream Of Me

by ErraticSheep



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Dead Charles Xavier, Dreams, Erik Lehnsherr Loves Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr Needs a Hug, Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier Feels, Hurt Erik Lehnsherr, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kissing, Loss, Love, M/M, Poor Erik Lehnsherr, Sad, Sad Ending, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 00:26:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30097440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErraticSheep/pseuds/ErraticSheep
Summary: "You're afraid of a world without me?" Charles shifted around until he was facing Erik. Those brilliant blue eyes gave Erik the feeling of drowning, lost at sea with only Charles to anchor him to reality. "Is that truly what frightens you?""It terrifies me." Erik brought his hand to the side of Charles's face, cradling it with a gentleness that was rarely found in the man. A gentleness he held only for Charles."You've left so many times already. What harm could once more do?"No happy ending! Please be aware of the tags! Major angst fic. Tagged explicit from mentions of sex and the major amounts of angst.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Kudos: 25





	Dream Of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking an interest in my work! On that note, PLEASE BE AWARE OF THE TAGS! This is an angst fic through and through! NO HAPPY ENDING for this two in this fic!
> 
> I don't know what I was thinking or feeling when I wrote this thing, but I'm so sorry in advance ;~;
> 
> I will eventually write something that actually has a happy ending for my favorite ship on earth, but this fic is simply angst from an idea I've had in my mind for a while now. I hope I was able to convey what I was trying to without it being super confusing.
> 
> Thank you again for taking a genuine interest in my work! I appreciate it immensely!

The sun beaming in through the small crack in the curtains roused Erik from his sleep. His hand blindly reaching out beside, the comfort of finding a familiar form next to him eased all of his morning tension from his body. He moved, as if in slow motion, to bring Charles close to him. The soft curls calling his name as he buried his face into his lover's hair. Charles shifted under him, Erik's movements waking him from his light slumber.

"Isn't it a little early for this, love?" Charles teased gently, his voice still groggy from having just woken up.

"It wasn't my intention to wake you so suddenly. I just have a hard time controlling myself when you're near." Erik's hand slowly traveled up until it stopped mere inches away from Charles's mouth. When Charles leaned into the touch, Erik's heart stammered wildly in his chest. A feeling swelling inside of him next to the immense love he felt, loss. He felt an unbearable amount of anguish while he was looking at Charles. He pulled him closer, the sudden action drawing a soft chuckle from the man in his arms.

"Something is bothering you." A statement, one Erik chose to ignore. He didn't know how to properly explain his feelings. Charles could look into his mind, but he would still be short of any kind of explanation.

"I'm afraid." Erik whispered the admission against Charles's neck. "Afraid that one day I'll wake up to a world without you. The thought is- the thought is less than _pleasant_ , my love."

"You're afraid of a world without me?" Charles shifted around until he was facing Erik. Those brilliant blue eyes gave Erik the feeling of drowning, lost at sea with only Charles to anchor him to reality. "Is that truly what frightens you?"

"It terrifies me." Erik brought his hand to the side of Charles's face, cradling it with a gentleness that was rarely found in the man. A gentleness he held only for Charles. 

"You've left so many times already. What harm could once more do?" There was a bitterness there that hadn't existed before. The look Charles gave him filled him with guilt from past events, previous partings. Goodbyes he wished he'd never uttered to the other man. Time lost that he could never get back, a soft anger that could never be extinguished in Charles. Even if Charles only thought of Erik in anger, he would be relieved to know he was thinking of him.

"I can't promise this time will be any different."

"No," Charles's laugh sounded harsh, filled with pain more than any kind of humor. "No, you couldn't, could you?"

Erik could feel Charles poking around in his head, searching for something. He never knew what it was that Charles was looking for, but he hated the expression the man showed whenever he was unable to find it. Charles had such a grounding presence for Erik and he was hardly ever able to return the favor.

"Charles, I-"

_Erik woke to the harsh sun practically blinding him from the window to his left. He reached out for Charles, but the bed was empty, cold. A sudden reality hit him harder than a ton of bricks. Charles was gone. He would never wake up next to him again. There was nothing he could do to bring the man back to him._

_The reality of his situation was suffocating him. He gasped for air, desperate to fill his lungs, but his heart ached with pain that could never be numbed. His desperation to hold Charles in his arms made him feel like he was drowning. The air around him wasn't enough to sustain his tortured lungs, he couldn't keep his head above water without the other man. Perhaps, he considered, he had always been drowning, Charles was the one thing keeping him above the surface._

_"Charles. Charles. Charles. Charles!" He repeated the name like a mantra. The brief hope that Charles would appear beside him if he called out to him. The hope that Charles would be there one last time for him. He just needed one more day, one more hour, he would even take one more minute if it meant he could see him again. He just wanted to see that smile one last time, to see Charles one last time. To beg him for forgiveness._

_To tell him one last time that he truly did love him. That he was nothing without him._

_That he missed him._

  
  


"Erik!" Frantic shaking startled him awake. Charles was leaning over him, a worried look on his face. "Erik," he cupped Erik's face in his hands and touched their foreheads together. "You were dreaming of something terrible."

"I was." Erik gently brought Charles's hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles gently. "Hopefully it's only a dream and not something that will ever come to fruition."

"I can't promise that I'll always be by your side, Erik. Just as you can never promise you'll always be by mine." Charles was searching for something in Erik's expression. Erik was searching for comfort in Charles. "That doesn't mean we can't enjoy the time we have together right now."

"I'm terrified of the idea of not waking up next to you tomorrow. Charles, the only thing that I know will always be here is you. I don't ever want to lose that."

"You already have, Erik. You've lost that several times, and against my better judgement I keep wishing for you to come back. I'm not sure which one of us is to blame anymore."

"Charles, you know I love you more than anyone else in the world." Erik was met with only a sad smile from the smaller man. Any response Charles wanted to say died on his tongue before the words were ever able to leave his mouth.

Charles didn't stop Erik when he moved to embrace him.

_Erik found himself alone again. The absence of Charles was a recurring nightmare. He had finally begun to accept it. He knew eventually he would wake in his lover's arms, safe from this unbearable possibility. It was only a matter of time._

_Only a matter of time before he could wake up next to Charles._

_Only a matter of time before…_

_"There are endless possibilities, Erik. There may very well come a time where you find yourself unable to come back to my side."_

  
  


"What did you just say?" Erik's sudden movements startled the other man.

"I didn't say anything." The confusion on Charles's face only left Erik with a deep frown on his face. He could have sworn he had said something to him. If it wasn't stated out loud then maybe Charles had accidentally shared his own thoughts with Erik. That possibility was extremely unlikely given how guarded the telepath tended to be around other people.

"Erik? Are you feeling alright?"

_"Erik? Are you feeling alright?"_

"Erik?"

_"Erik?"_

Charles grabbed Erik's face in his hands, forcing the man to look at him. The two stared at each other as silence filled the room between them. Charles went to say something, but Erik cut him off with a kiss. The feeling of Charles holding onto him grounded him in reality. The feeling of being so close to the man he loved made him finally aware of the reality in front of him.

Charles was right here with him at this moment. If he could relive this over and over in his mind forever then he would.

"You're rather distracted today. There are a million thoughts racing in your mind right now."

"Are you in my head again?" Erik chuckled softly as he looked fondly at Charles. "Then what am I thinking now?"

Charles took a brief pause, raising his hand to his head, and stared deep into Erik's eyes. His hand slowly sliding back down as he smiled softly.

"You're thinking that I am the most beautiful thing you've ever seen."

"Do you believe me?"

Charles considered it before finally speaking, "I haven't decided yet."

"Will you let me know when you do?"

"You'll be the first one I tell." Charles laughed heartily and Erik joined him.  
  
  


_"Erik, you can't spend every day like this. You need to get up. Charles isn't coming back, and I know it's hard for you to accept that. It's hard for everyone right now. That's why we need you." Raven's voice held worry, he hated to hear her sound so desperate. It wasn't her worried voice he wanted to hear._

_"Raven, let me be for now, please." He ignored the heavy sigh that followed his request. The creaking of the door was the only indication that she had decided to leave._

_"I miss him too, Erik." The door slammed behind her. Erik closed his eyes hoping that the next time he woke would be next to Charles._

Erik thrusted into Charles, the man moaning helplessly underneath him was a sight that would always leave him breathless. Charles was beautiful in a way that he could never hope to explain. From the tips of his overgrown curls all the way down to his toes, every inch was something Erik committed to memory as he worshiped the man beneath him. Charles need only ask and Erik would give him anything he wanted. His pride never allowed him to admit it, Charles never wanted to take advantage of it.

No matter how much time would pass between the next time they saw each other, it always continued to be the same. There was always bitterness followed by reluctant forgiveness ending in an argument over the few things they could never agree on. It didn't matter if there were days or years between their next meeting, whenever they saw each other it always felt like they were picking up a conversation they finished the night before. One never ending conversation between the two was as close as Erik could get to explaining their relationship

"Erik, I think you may be too distracted for this." Charles gently pushed the larger man off of him. Erik let Charles move away from him, fighting the ache that encouraged him to reach out and touch the other man. "You're unfocused, can't think straight, you're in mourning." Charles moved to the edge of the bed, his back now facing Erik as he stared out the window. "In mourning for me."

"Charles," Erik choked out. He reached for the man, but he pulled his hand back before ever making contact. The sight of Charles's back was the only thing he could focus on. Charles was always the one who occupied his thoughts every second he was awake. Now he haunts his dreams, but restless sleep was still better than the reality in front of him.

"You're afraid, Erik. I can feel it." Charles looked back at him over his shoulder. The sight so familiar yet practically forgotten by Erik. How long had it been since he last saw Charles like this? That sad look in his eyes, the setting sun making his naked skin practically glow, all of these things Erik wished he could see again.

"Just one last time," Erik whispered more to himself than Charles. "I just want to see you one last time."

"But you can't." Charles's voice lacked any empathy, tone almost nonexistent as he stated such a blatant fact. "Because I'm already gone."

Erik guided Charles back down onto the bed. The two laid down again, their limbs tangled together perfectly, as if they had been made for each other. Maybe Erik had been made for Charles, his existence felt so empty without him.

"Because you're already gone," Erik confirmed. "And there's nothing I can do to bring you back."

"This new reality frightens you. I was always there before, but now I can never return to you." He ran his fingers down the side of Erik's face. "No matter how desperately you call for me I will never return to your side."

Erik closed his eyes. The feeling of Charles's soft skin brought a tear to his eye. Charles gently wiped it away without a single word, a gentle kiss underneath his eyes to replace the wet drop.

"You feel guilt for abandoning me. You think things could have been different if you had been there." Erik slowly opened his eyes to look at Charles as he spoke. "Perhaps it could have, but who really knows? It could have been you instead of me."

"I wish it had been." Erik was surprised by his own admission. He finally spoke about the feelings he had hidden in his heart for so long. Would Charles have felt this way if he had to continue on without Erik? Charles was loved by so many, he doubted he would have missed Erik. He also hoped he would have been in as much pain as he is now.

  
  
  


Erik blindly reached out for the man next to him. The feeling of cold sheets and an empty bed had him awake with full realization of his current situation. He could only see Charles in his dreams now, in memories buried deep in his mind saved as precious treasures to never be forgotten. Charles was gone, and for the first time in a long time, Erik was truly alone.

He sat up in bed, the moon a taunting light as it peaked in through the slightly parted curtains. It must have been early morning, Erik couldn't be sure of the exact time. His senses had become so disoriented from practically living his life in a dream. So desperate to see his love one last time he chose to live in a dream than face the reality in front of him. It didn't matter what went on outside of these four walls, not when Charles wasn't somewhere in the world waiting to see him again.

"I love you, Charles. I always will." He whispered softly into the still night air.

 _"I love you, Erik."_ A fond memory in his mind, the only proof that Charles had ever existed, had ever loved him.

When his confession was met with only heavy silence, he sobbed.

_I never want to wake again, if I open my eyes to a world without him._


End file.
